Walking out of Physical Abuse

In the UK, more than 42% divorces occur due to physical abuse.

Physical abuse is one of the most common reasons cited for divorce, and its frequency seems to be increasing everyday. What is physical abuse? Physical abuse can be described as physical violence towards another unarmed human being. It usually occurs when one human being physically tortures or beats another human being with minor or no cause for provocation Physical abuse can take place in familial relationships, between friends, work colleagues, acquaintances, neighbours and marital partners. However, forms and magnitude of physical abuse get transformed into verbal abuse when the environment changes from familiar to unfamiliar. In other words, a physical abuser has to feel comfortable in his or her surroundings to enact the abusive behaviour.

But why does it take place? Developmental psychologists argue that physical abuse is a degenerative disorder of the mind which ought to be treated in the initial stages before blossoming into a raging constant sadistic disorder. Physical abuse basically is a disorder of sadism – the mind is skewed resulting in wrong perceptions and opinions. The abuser believes that the abuse is actually good for the partner and derives satisfaction and pleasure from it. Gestalt psychology states that unlike the normal human mind which perceives the world and resulting situations holistically, physical abusers do not. They view the world as incomplete and strongly believe that their abuse will contribute to structuring the world in the right manner. Physical abuse does not occur automatically. Vestiges and signs of this abnormal behaviour are usually seen right from childhood. The abuser starts with minor abusive behaviour of bullying, unnatural possession and self-mutilation.

Developmental psychologists point out that physical abuse can be traced to childhood emotions of fear and insecurity. These individuals are often faced with the prospect of fear – fear of being scolded and abandoned. It can also be a fear of emotional possession – the power to posses. Social psychology, on the hand, argues that physical abuse stems from broken families. Children who suffer from physical abuse themselves are more likely to dish it out themselves during adulthood. Physical abuse has to be noticed and tackled at an early stage. When a child who is an extrovert suddenly becomes quiet and withdrawn and starts displaying rude and violent behaviour – one ought to be sure that the child is a victim of physical abuse. The child has to be given treatment in the form of medication – the absence of a neurotransmitter makes these individuals immune to pain on self and by others. In other circumstances, the child ought to be given counselling to delve into the troubled personality. These two methods usually have a success rate of 83% in treating children of physical abuse.

But, if these behavioural signs go unnoticed, chances are that the victim of physical abuse in childhood becomes the physical abuser in adulthood. The brunt of physical abuse is borne by the marital partner in the form of kicking, pulling hair, beating, torture and mutilation. Usually physical abuse is followed by sexual abuse giving the abuser total control over the abuser. Developmental psychologists claim that both the abused and the abuser suffer greatly during physical abuse. The effects of physical abuse on the victim are widely documented. Their plight is sympathised and the abuser is perceived to be an animal. This is true – one of the main effects of physical abuse on the abuser is the feeling of power. The abuser starts believing that he or she has absolute power over the partner and intensifies the abuse deriving pleasure from the violence.

Physical Abusers: Men or Women?

Developmental psychologists argue that men are usually perceived as the abusers while women are viewed as the victims of physical abuse. This is a correct notion, as according to genetics, men are structured to be physically stronger with fragile psyches. Research indicates that usually men, i.e., 64% of men are physical abusers in a marital relationship. Men, in childhood develop a tendency of disassociation which allows them to nurture the negative emotions till adulthood. As adults, they sense a feeling of power and control and want to exercise it over their prized possession – the female marital partner. They start abusing the partner beginning with playful possessive behaviour and, soon, irrational violent behaviour.

Women, in contrast, display all adverse emotional baggage at the time of upheaval – during childhood. They do not nurture the miserable past. Rather, they believe in moving ahead and building a positive life for themselves and their loved ones. Thus, it is suggested that physical abuse cannot be controlled or treated in its full form. Therefore, it is wise to walk out of the marriage when the physical abuse starts. If the spouse is unable to control the possessive behaviour at the first stage of love, there is no point in thinking that the abuser will change and forgo the abusive behaviour. This is wishful thinking and will never happen. The abuse will intensify and even endanger the life of the victim. Thus, when abuse begins, try to talk about it with the partner. When that fails and the abuse becomes serious, simply walk out.





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