The legal side of divorce is not that complex though very demanding, so far as its practical aspects are concerned. Either you amicably come to an agreement with your spouse regarding the important issues of your life like child custody, visitation plan, spousal support, division of property or a court decides for you. The court simply issues a decree, declaring you to be free from your marital vows and conferring on you the right to remarry. But is this what you were looking for or was it something else? The chances are that you were searching for happiness, peace and freedom. Freedom you certainly get, but, it comes with a huge baggage of other problems that need to be urgently resolved. So what if you are single now? Life is still staring at your face with its inevitable set of responsibilities. Children are still to be supported, bills are to be paid and social responsibilities and associations are to be dealt with. The things which you earlier accepted as a routine matter are now weighing heavily on your shoulders and that too at a time when you are emotionally and perhaps physically, least prepared to handle them. The chances are that you never planned for your divorce in advance. So all this has come as a shock to you. Is this what you fought for? Is this the end? Is there a life beyond it? Do not get flustered and have hope. Remember, you are not the first person to have a divorce and certainly you will not be the last one who got over it.
If you have recently been divorced, the chances are that you are facing a tough situation. After the divorce, the most important task that lies before you is to emotionally heal yourself. The post-divorce feelings of pain, anger, rejection, frustration, guilt and remorse may paralyze you if you don’t do something about them. You have to start a new life, make a new beginning and arrive at a new centre of emotional poise and harmony. Carrying this emotional garbage is of no use and will only harm your convalescence. Try to be logical and develop a realistic view of your marital life and your ex spouse. Divorce may have seriously battered your sense of self worth and your self esteem. You need to resuscitate it. Seek social and emotional support from friends, colleagues and family members. Do take care of your health and make the most of the freedom and opportunity that life has placed before you. Doing so, you may discover some hidden talent or ability, of which you never knew that you possessed. Get involved in some constructive activity like a promising academic course or a hobby. You have to shun the sense of dependency, affiliations and behaviour patterns that you developed during the marriage. Get involved in some charity or social work. Helping others will help you understand and come to terms with your own problems. If you have any relevant skills and education, try finding a job for yourself. It will not only make you financially independent, but will take your mind of petty issues. It is for you to decide, whether this situation will make you bitter or better. Attitude is always more important than facts.
After divorce the children will and should be your first priority. You have multiple challenges before you and being single parent demands courage. You have not only to get over your own hurt but console and reassure your children also. May sound difficult, but you will have to spare time and energy for children. Children shape their world view by observing the behaviour of parents. A balanced and positive approach on your part will set an example for them. Remember that children need both the parents. So whether you are a custodial or non-custodial parent, get over your personal grievances and cooperate with the other parent in a true spirit of co-parenting. This difficult phase will soon be over and you will be back on the road.
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