Dynamics of Single Motherhood

Or it could be unforeseeable circumstances as in death of a partner or abandonment by the other parent. Whether by design or destiny, it is a most trying circumstance a woman can find herself in.

There was a time not so long ago when single motherhood did not find much favour in the eyes of the society. A single mother was looked down upon and labelled a promiscuous or a loose woman. She was doomed to a life of misery, poverty and social boycott. It was not an option women voluntarily chose. But things have changed very fast over a few decades. Women are choosing to be single mothers. Today, it has almost become a movement and the trend is definitely catching on.

Choosing to be a single mother is a very personal and emotional choice. Most women today are working and career-oriented. This has lent them independence and an assertiveness. They give as much importance to their own dreams and individual happiness as to their partners or families. Love and marriage are on their list but they are not stopping to live their life to the fullest waiting for them to happen. They are financially independent and emotionally strong. This has led to a lot many of them staying unmarried.

Being a woman, a lot of them want to experience motherhood, bear a child or raise a family. With continuous advancement in medical science, the options of artificial insemination and surrogate motherhood are open to them. Also, with the social stigma attached with being a single mother gone, lots of them opt to adopt a child. A majority of these women are in their forties and are confident, successful career women. They are aware that their biological clock is ticking and soon it would become difficult for them to conceive or carry a pregnancy through. Thus, they don’t want to forgo the joys of motherhood by waiting for love or marriage to happen first. They know that they have much to give the child. They have adequate emotional and financial resources to support themselves and the child.

One of the major questions regarding single parenthood is -- how successfully can a single parent raise a child of opposite gender? Can a single mother raise a son who is confident, secure, intelligent and self-assured? Does a single mother raise her son to be effeminate? But, all these are false concerns broken everyday as more and more sons raised by mothers single-handedly are growing up to be successful individuals, fathers, husbands and human beings. There are a few guidelines single mothers can adopt while raising sons to address this issue:

Accept the fact that being a boy he can have a different perception than yours in the way he reacts to things.

It is important to teach him how guys go potty or groom themselves. Even though he might mimic your wearing makeup or other feminine activities as a toddler it’s no cause for panic. As he grows up he will understand and learn the difference and follow what other boys do.

He may not have a live-in father but that is no reason for him to not have a role model. Any male can be his role model like a grandparent, close friend, an uncle, or a teacher. Let him find his own role model that he admires and trusts.

Place high value on male-female relationships. Don’t convey any negative attitudes towards men because of your past experiences. It will affect your son’s healthy growth and developments.

Interact with all kind of families. Give him a realistic perspective of all kinds of relationships instead of focusing only on mother-son relationship. Be open to discussions.

To help him learn to be a “Boy” let him enrol in group activities for boys such as cub scouts. This will also give him a sense of belonging.

You can also point out various qualities of various men around you at various times to help him understand as to what qualities he should emulate and inculcate.

Treat every child as an individual in his own right. A stable home environment and a loving and caring parent is what a child essentially needs to grow up to be a confident, successful and honourable adult.







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