Negative Behaviour that Ruins a Marriage

To make a marriage work, all the involved dynamics have to work in tandem. It can be the most complex relationship and yet the most potentially satisfying one. There are several behaviour patterns that determine if a marriage will endure or not.

Persistent Negative Habits

We all come into relationships with our idiosyncrasies and excess baggage. While spouses have to take the good aspects with the bad, it becomes a problem when the bad outweighs the good. During the courtship days, one only gets a glimpse of irritating habits. After marriage, when these irritating habits continue in a consistent fashion, it can be a nightmare to live with.

A man may be untidy to the extreme and leave clothes lying around the house, doesn’t put things back etc. While it might sound like a trivial issue, to live with an extremely messy person can be difficult if the other person is organised and orderly. What makes it worse is if the messy partner shows no sign of remorse or wanting to change. What starts as a small issue over an annoying habit can soon spill over to bigger areas of discontent. Eventually, a couple finds less and less in common and cannot bear to be in the presence of the other.

Individualistic Attitude

Individualism is a very definitive trait of people in the modern era. Consumerism, ambition and getting ahead drive people beyond all else. This kind of society leads people to having a very selfish attitude and only thinking about self-advancement. Marriage, on the other hand, requires meeting of minds and interests and thinking in terms of “Us”. For an individualistic person to adjust to the compromising nature of marriage can be very tough.

If a person makes important decisions that impact both partners, without consulting a spouse, it can be hard to live with. A partner can begin to feel neglected and not important in the marriage. If a person has someone else making every decision without having a say, it amounts to losing one’s identity. This kind of behaviour can lead to a marriage falling apart.

Dishonesty

More than anything else, one expects a spouse to be someone one can trust and respect. Since a person agrees to spend a lifetime with another, the basis of such a relationship has to be trust and honesty. However, it takes all kinds of people to make this world. There are intrinsically dishonest people who carry this trait into their relationships. It is difficult to be married to someone who is always lying and cheating.

The lack of trust in a marriage is definitely a reason for its ruin. The atmosphere that exists in such a home is one of suspicion, deceit and negativity. This spills into every aspect of the relationship till there is no positive aspect to hold it together.

Changing Behaviour Patterns

While it is difficult to change behaviour patterns that are a part of someone, it is not impossible. Marriage does not mean that one has to change every habit or every trait. It, however, means one has to consider a partner’s feelings and be sensitive to their needs. Understanding and compromise are the mantras of a good marriage and apply to both partners.

One shouldn’t try to change everything about a partner because that would be behaving like a control freak. Aspects that are particularly difficult to live with should be discussed and a compromise reached. Change should be encouraged with a lot of support and not in a demanding fashion. As long as both partners are given the space to adapt, compromising can become much easier.

Conclusion

There are no definite rules and definitions of a successful marriage. It is an institution that has stood the test of time and is still respected. However, the way we live has changed drastically making it more difficult for a marriage to work. The basic premises of a good marriage are trust, understanding and sharing. If people care enough for each other to build on these premises, then they will have the privilege of experiencing the best relationship that two people can possibly have.

If the basic foundation is shaky and partners do not want to make an effort to make a marriage work, nothing can save it. Negative habits may be deeply ingrained but they have to be reined in, if a person wants a marriage to work.







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