The Unpleasantness of Divorce

It is not uncommon to find divorced individuals who regret having divorced. Thus, divorce does leave a sour taste. It continues to ignite strong feelings of guilt, sadness and remorse. On the average, it takes family members approximately four to eight years to recover from the emotional and financial expense of a divorce.

Unpleasantness of Divorce: Getting married is entering into a contract. But marriage is a contract that is the easiest to break. Divorce has made it easy for husband and wife to walk out when they go through an unhappy period in their life. Divorce hurts. The axiom is true in more ways than imagined. Divorce takes on an independent entity. It has the power to hurt, embarrass and sadden us. Divorce invokes many unpleasant feelings. It makes us want to wipe the slate clean and begin anew.

Social psychologists argue that this is a common reaction in divorced people. Divorce throws well-settled lives out of gear. People have to rebuild relationships, identities, attitudes and perceptions. This involves dealing with changed circumstances on a daily basis. It is removed and alien when talking or writing about it. But when it actually happens, it is a different scene.

A middle-aged executive probably did not bargain for the unpleasantness of divorce. It was alright when he was talking about it. It was still fine and tolerable when the paperwork was being processed. The trial and divorce negotiations had been perceived as his escape to freedom. But when the divorce finally happened, many chain reactions unfolded. It left the executive with a very unpleasant feeling.

Breakup of Family: The direct consequence of divorce is the breakup of your family. You sought divorce from your partner. But the divorce ensures a formal legal separation from your children and friends. You lose contact with former family friends, acquaintances and even neighbours. Suddenly you are a stranger in a lonely world. You are no longer invited to family events and outings. Relatives don’t know how to act with you anymore. You have nothing in common with them anymore.

The entire scenario changes. Attitudes and behaviours change. Divorce brings with it many physical changes:

Moving to a new house
Start dating and move in with your girlfriend/boyfriend
Move town and change job
Leave the country losing contact with kids
Develop a new social circle

All this does create and leave a residue of unpleasantness. You are not involved in the lives of your kids. You suddenly become a part-time dad/mom. The kids don’t expect anything from you. You are relegated to a position of occasional funtime parent. You lose control and that depresses you.

A Failure: Freedom comes at a price; you admit to a courtroom of strangers and to yourself that you have failed at being married. You failed to make a success of your marriage. You failed to understand your spouse and kids. This feeling of failure haunts you. No matter what you do, it depresses you. It makes you doubt your own abilities and intuition.

You start losing interest. The mind plays a negative role churning feelings of despair and remorse. You do not want to work and achieve anymore. You think and believe that failure is an inner behavioural trait. It will follow you everywhere and make a mess of your life. You start getting passed over for promotions at work. You start avoiding people. You become miserable and paranoid.

Financial Implications: Divorce hurts your purse strings as well. Lawyer fees, courtroom fees coupled with extra expenses of investigation strain your finances. In addition comes the knowledge that now you are alone to bear the financial burden. You have to bear your expenses alone. You have to blame yourself only for any poor financial decisions. Usually when couples split, the wife's standard of living goes down by 30%.

Further, there is the question of financial settlements. You may have to pay alimony or maintenance support from your hard earned cash. It hurts. It could make you anti-social and bitter. It also lowers your standard of living. From a socialite living in a condominium, you could end up working ten hours a day. You will have to cut down on luxury expenses and personal pursuits. You may also have to give up hobbies and leisure activities. All these financial pitfalls may invoke feelings of unpleasantness.









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